portrait of Erin smiling in yellow top with trees in the background

Erin Brown

Speculative Fiction Author

2 – I’m not answering any “naked dancing” questions. FAQ

Hello all!  I have mined the comment section, and I came across four questions.  One was about whether my coven dances naked in the forest together in the powdery moonlight during sabbaths, but I’m not going to answer that because c’mon, guys, seriously?  So here are the other three questions.

Are You a Real Witch?

Well, yes.  We all are, Helena and Jas and me.  Does that mean spells and potions and ghouls and goblins and stuff?  Everything but the goblins, but I wouldn’t mind seeing a few of those in person.  There isn’t any mention of goblins in my Intro to Folkloric Fiends textbook, but you never know.  As for ghouls, they are a pain in the ass; I have a garden patch full of them, and they like expensive take-out food.  Spells are easy, and potions are not too difficult though I’m nowhere near as good at them as Helena.  She knows every blade of grass around here.  She could probably spin gold if she wanted to. 

(Edit: Helena read that last sentence and gave me a three-hour lecture on the ethics of alchemy.  With references and citations.  There were graphs.  Never ask her to spin you gold.)

Anyway, yes, witches.  I of the Hill, Helena of the Bog, and Jasperine of the Grove, which is just tiny little stand of trees next to the bog.  I’ll make you a map one of these days.

Question 2 – Do You Have a Familiar?

I call him my Unfamiliar, but yes.  His name is Fluffers, and I have been trying to transcribe my notes on his claiming, but the words melt my paper and etch curses into my laptop screen.  I’ll get the whole saga down for you sometime this month, but I might have to wait for a black moon and borrow one of Helena’s iron cages.  Fluffers is… complicated.

Oh, and he was a rabbit, when Helena found him.  I don’t know what he is now, but whatever he is, he’s got a stinger and tentacles and a screech like old ships being torn apart.  And a fluffy tail!  I love him so much.  I’m a proud bunnymonster mama.

Question 3 – Can You Bring Somebody Back from the Dead?

Sure!  I just pop a bag of popcorn and wait for the ghouls to show up and try to scratch their way through my screen door to beg for some.  When I took this post, I was happy for the free rent and the money from the performances and the events, but I had no idea what it would be like to maintain a ghoul patch.  I shouldn’t complain, but it makes me impatient when I’m eating my third bowl of instant ramen that day and I look up and a rotting face is leaking black ichor tears and pressing a pad thai delivery menu to the window.  It’s all my fault.  I thought I would make a good impression by giving them some of the food that was brought for my housewarming celebration when I first got here, but now they expect it every day!

I’m way off topic.  It’s just that there’s one on my porch right now staring at me, mournfully gumming a plastic spork.  So- can I bring back the dead?  Short answer- yes, but it’s a horrible idea, and you shouldn’t want to, and it costs more than it’s worth, and I don’t mean in money.  Also, death is an illusion.  Just ask Jasperine’s Agnesses. 

(Edit- Jasperine asked her Agnesses.  They said “come over and find out.”  You don’t want to go over and find out.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: